39 weeks

Today I am 39 weeks pregnant. I remarked to DH this morning that that means there is an actual big baby inside me right now, bigger than Abi when she was born. It's a bit of a weird thought; there's my baby and I don't even know him/her yet. But there he/she is, right there under my skin only centremetres away.

I still feel okay. My pelvic instability is still hanging around and has kind of moved to the front now so it is making rolling over in bed, not to mention heaving myself off Abi's futon, really difficult. I'm sure I've got the old pregnant waddle too and I think maybe the baby has dropped, although not engaged as I can feel the head moving around if I push gently on it. I've become pretty good at the old belly 'palps' since one of the midwives showed me how to find the head during an appointment.

Yesterday was a big day for Abi and I. First we went to my work Christmas party in the morning which was a very nice way to finish the year. Then Abi fell asleep for 10 minutes in the car on the way home and I couldn't transfer her into bed without her waking up, so that was it in the nap department. Bit of a problem because we had our meeting with her kinder teacher yesterday and I wanted her to be in good form.

As it turned out, it was fine. She didn't do anything crazy like talk to her new teacher, but she did make eye contact, wave goodbye and look extremely interested in all the wonderful Montessori activities displayed on the shelves. I know this teacher and school well and I have complete faith in both of them. Very, very sound philosophically and she has been teaching at the same school for 15 years. The school itself is a renovated original little primary school, so it is really charming with lots of light and lovely wooden floors.

DH came too and he loved the centre which I was glad about as he hadn't been there before. We both think she'll do really well there once she settles in, which may take a while. She definitely finds it harder to separate from me than DH, which is something I'm sure I've created - sometimes I think I've built a bit of a negative dynamic between us. DH was shocked when I said that and he thinks it's just that she prefers me to any other person, so if the option's there... Don't know if I entirely agree, but it was lovely of him to reassure me.

I have had quite a few worries about her separating from me at kinder and I spoke to her teacher about it all who reminded me that most separation anxiety stuff will be coming from me, not her. Of course, I totally know that when it's about other people's children, but not mine, obviously! My child is a delicate and unique flower and cannot be treated like other children, dammnit!

So the teacher said that I had to feel completely comfortable and trusting of her and to know that she would take care of Abi, and that Abi would be absolutely fine. I felt so much better after this talk and going to the centre and seeing how quickly Abi relaxed there. I'm sure I"ll still struggle a bit, but I need to trust my girl and know that it is a safe and wonderful place for her in my heart as well as my head.

Anyway, she's not starting until the end of February, so we've got a couple of months yet. I'm really going to miss her, sniff. She'll only be staying for half an hour for the first week anyway and gradually working up to the five full mornings, so I guess the baby and I will just be going for a quick walk around the block or something before going to pick her up. I won't have too much time to pine.

She was very thrilled that she got to pick out a special kinder hat. I was surprised, she picked the one that I thought was the most boring - a navy blue legionnaires cap with the kinder logo on the front. She looks extremely adorable in it though; a real kinder girl. She wanted to wear it today but I told her it was special for kinder, and we hung it up on the hook together.

My house is messy. I should be cleaning it up. I miss my cleaner.

I am also sending love and healing vibes to my beautiful internet friend Averil who just had a baby under less-than-optimal circumstances. Kisses to you and your gorgeous new little one, sweetie.