Tuesday, August 18, 2009

My baby

My littlest one, that is.

I am really trying to enjoy and appreciate properly all the parts of this pregnancy, as it will be my last, all going to plan. Luckily for me, little baby no. 2 is an active little thing and we have many fun games when he/she kicks, I poke back and then more kicks! DH thinks I am imagining things, much like his mum and her psychic cat, but I'm not! We really are playing.

I never really did that with Abi. I must say, it is different being pregnant for the second time. I have a much stronger sense that there is an actual baby in there wriggling around and I definitely feel much more closely bonded to him/her. I'm hoping that will make things easier after the birth as it took at least five or six weeks for me to truly feel as though I loved Abi and that she was mine. It was more like she was a baby I was just looking after for someone else, and I remember distinctly feeling that if someone who would look after her would just come and take her away so I could have my old life back, that would be just fine with me.

Looking back now I wonder if I had a touch of PND. I certainly had some of the symptoms, such as feeling numb about both Abi and DH for quite a while. DH especially, that lasted for ages, on and off. I felt so so alone too and it made me realise how much I need contact with people to be happy.

I don't think the same feelings will resurface after this one is born for lots of reasons. I have mostly made the adjustment to motherhood I think and DH and I are very close again, although not in quite the same way. In lots of ways I think we filled the role of beloved child for each other and when Abi was born she knocked us both out of top spot with the other. As we say to each other now, it's a hard time but we're getting through it together and managing to have some fun along the way, not always entirely child-focussed. Maybe we had too long together on our own before Abi, or maybe most couples go through something similar no matter how long they have been in love.

This was going to be about my little one but is mostly about me...Sorry Precious, better luck next time.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

18 week belly shot, birthday fun, scans and more

I ha
ve been meaning to do this entry for a-a-a-ages and if I don't do something soon, it will spiral even further out of control.

First up: 18 week belly shot 2 weeks late

It was my birthday a couple of weeks ago, 37 (eek). I had a lovely time though, in spite of my advanced age. My DDH did a marvelous present-buying task; I received a computer game I love which has just come out, gorgeous Hot Milk maternity/breastfeeding pyjamas and a new iPod to replace the one I drove the car over! All total surprises and all so so welcome. I also got two new pairs of maternity pants and a top from my lovely parents. They are also helping us to buy plane tickets to visit my grandparents on the Gold Coast in October. My friend gave me a beautiful scarf she knitted herself and which magically complements every garment I own. It is some kind of Magic Scarf and I love it.

DH made me my favourite dinner which included yummy chocolate mousse and I also had a day without child in the city. And the fun's not over yet! We had to postpone my family celebration lunch at a fantastic chinese restaurant specialising in dumplings due to illness (Abi's and DH's) so I still have that to look forward to on Saturday the 15th.

Poor second baby deserves more than this lightening recap of his/her 20 week scan, but I guess that's what you get for coming second. We had the scan yesterday and of course I was nervous, especially as it is the first and only one we'll have. But I am pleased and proud to say that everything looks great and normal and spot on for where we should be.

I must admit that I was desperate to find out the sex of this one, but it was not to be. Stubborn little baby kept his/her legs crossed the whole time and the umbilical cord firmly between them. So we are having a surprise, like it or not.

I forgave all though when I saw the adorable 4D part of the scan when he/she put his/her hand in her mouth and then smiled. Really, truly smiled. I'm so in love. We didn't get a 4D section with Abi and I had always poo-poohed them a bit, but now I am a convert.

Must go and make dinner for my whiny child.