Friday, May 20, 2011

Ha! Day two of my every day challenge. Am TWF (typing while feeding) though, so may use contracted-sentence-shorthand, okay?

Take-away night! Tonight is DH and my take-away and movie night. It keeps the romance alive, especially as we are watching some mindless action-y type thing tonight. We usually are as we are both usually exhausted and tonight we are also coping with DH's dodgy sinuses.

Mostly our movie nights include a baby/toddler waking up somewhere in the middle and being boobed back to sleep. At least she goes back to sleep now, in the early days she sometimes sat in my lap clapping her way through Wall-E or similar. Actually, for the last few weeks I think she might have forgotten it was Friday, as she has been sleeping for longer.

It's funny, I remember writing a lot about Abi's shitty sleep and what we were trying to do about it. Evie is not as craptacular, but she's no paragon. She still wakes anywhere from two to five times a night and sometimes takes quite a while to settle back down again. I just kind of get on with it now, don't really think about it. I know she'll sleep through eventually, and I don't plan to night-wean her until she's two or so. I'll accept another few years of broken sleep, especially if I have another one...

Did you get that? Yep, another one. I want one. Like, I really, really want one. Just one more. I'm finally getting the hang of this whole mothering thing and I love it more and more. And I want to give birth again.

DH however, does not. In fact, we were discussing contraception stuff and he confided, "if you got pregnant now I'd be so sad". I laid it all out for him; how I'd love another one of our babies, how it's really only the first year that's hard, how much fun it is seeing our two girls interact, how much I adore them etc etc. He is unconvinced. However, he is not insisting on a vasectomy either. I have asked him to just think about it until the end of the year and see if he thinks he can face another one. I've promised not to bring it up and also promised that if he really really can't bear the thought, then I would accept that and accept it without resentment. He is more important, our existing family is more important to me than another baby.

But oh, another baby!

The thing is, I think I look at our girls and think 'they're so beautiful, how could I not want more?'. He looks at them and thinks 'they're so beautiful, why would I want any more?' And then there are all the logistics and realities and there is no doubt that life is just getting easier.

So we'll see. We'll see.


Melissa said...

Averil and I were just talking about this very subject this afternoon.

I want more - I ache for more. Not babies, so much. But more of our children - these little people we are raising and so enchanted by. I want more of them.

It's not possible - Joel wouldn't even if we could, he's been honest. He has switched off that part of him that always wanted a big family because I simply couldn't survive another pregnancy.

But oh, for more.

I hope you get yours. And that he or she is a sleeper.

Anna said...

Oh Melissa, I wish things were different. I wish we could all have all the babies we want.

Lucky we've still got our other treasures, though.