To let you all know...

...that on Tuesday the 22nd of December our beautiful daughter Evangeline Flora was born unexpectedly at home at 11.30am. Evie was 3.75 kg at birth and is completely gorgeous.

Am working on birth story of our dramatic little girl now. Hope to post it within the next few days.

Merry Christmas!

39 weeks

Today I am 39 weeks pregnant. I remarked to DH this morning that that means there is an actual big baby inside me right now, bigger than Abi when she was born. It's a bit of a weird thought; there's my baby and I don't even know him/her yet. But there he/she is, right there under my skin only centremetres away.

I still feel okay. My pelvic instability is still hanging around and has kind of moved to the front now so it is making rolling over in bed, not to mention heaving myself off Abi's futon, really difficult. I'm sure I've got the old pregnant waddle too and I think maybe the baby has dropped, although not engaged as I can feel the head moving around if I push gently on it. I've become pretty good at the old belly 'palps' since one of the midwives showed me how to find the head during an appointment.

Yesterday was a big day for Abi and I. First we went to my work Christmas party in the morning which was a very nice way to finish the year. Then Abi fell asleep for 10 minutes in the car on the way home and I couldn't transfer her into bed without her waking up, so that was it in the nap department. Bit of a problem because we had our meeting with her kinder teacher yesterday and I wanted her to be in good form.

As it turned out, it was fine. She didn't do anything crazy like talk to her new teacher, but she did make eye contact, wave goodbye and look extremely interested in all the wonderful Montessori activities displayed on the shelves. I know this teacher and school well and I have complete faith in both of them. Very, very sound philosophically and she has been teaching at the same school for 15 years. The school itself is a renovated original little primary school, so it is really charming with lots of light and lovely wooden floors.

DH came too and he loved the centre which I was glad about as he hadn't been there before. We both think she'll do really well there once she settles in, which may take a while. She definitely finds it harder to separate from me than DH, which is something I'm sure I've created - sometimes I think I've built a bit of a negative dynamic between us. DH was shocked when I said that and he thinks it's just that she prefers me to any other person, so if the option's there... Don't know if I entirely agree, but it was lovely of him to reassure me.

I have had quite a few worries about her separating from me at kinder and I spoke to her teacher about it all who reminded me that most separation anxiety stuff will be coming from me, not her. Of course, I totally know that when it's about other people's children, but not mine, obviously! My child is a delicate and unique flower and cannot be treated like other children, dammnit!

So the teacher said that I had to feel completely comfortable and trusting of her and to know that she would take care of Abi, and that Abi would be absolutely fine. I felt so much better after this talk and going to the centre and seeing how quickly Abi relaxed there. I'm sure I"ll still struggle a bit, but I need to trust my girl and know that it is a safe and wonderful place for her in my heart as well as my head.

Anyway, she's not starting until the end of February, so we've got a couple of months yet. I'm really going to miss her, sniff. She'll only be staying for half an hour for the first week anyway and gradually working up to the five full mornings, so I guess the baby and I will just be going for a quick walk around the block or something before going to pick her up. I won't have too much time to pine.

She was very thrilled that she got to pick out a special kinder hat. I was surprised, she picked the one that I thought was the most boring - a navy blue legionnaires cap with the kinder logo on the front. She looks extremely adorable in it though; a real kinder girl. She wanted to wear it today but I told her it was special for kinder, and we hung it up on the hook together.

My house is messy. I should be cleaning it up. I miss my cleaner.

I am also sending love and healing vibes to my beautiful internet friend Averil who just had a baby under less-than-optimal circumstances. Kisses to you and your gorgeous new little one, sweetie.

It's Term

Here I am at 37 weeks! 37 weeks and 2 days to be exact which is when Abi was born so since 1.33pm today I am more pregnant than I have ever been. We are trekking into the unknown here folks. Who knows how far we'll get?





I am luxuriating in not having to cook dinner or even think about what we're going to have tonight. My lovely Mum and Dad came up to visit today for the first time since Mum got home from China bearing four different yummy dinners plus chocolate chip biccies and zucchini and cheese muffins. I was thinking they were for after the baby was born and after gloating over my deliciously filled freezer, said to Mum that I hoped I'd be able to resist eating them before the birth when I didn't want to cook which is always these days. Mum looked shocked and said, "Oh no, they're for now! I'm going to make lots of other meals for after the baby." Love love love my mum

And love her lasagne, which is what we're hoe-ing into tonight.

I can't believe we are so close to the end. I am getting really excited about meeting this little one, every time I do my relaxation/visualisation I start getting these happy excited butterflies in my stomach. I was worried that this was counterproductive, but I saw my Calmbirth instructor yesterday at an ABA thing and she said no it was wonderful that I was so excited. She said that's very different hormonally from fear or anxiety, so I was reassured. Come on my butterfly baby! I just cannot wait to see your beautiful little face and smell your soft, soft skin.

Abi is extremely interested in all things New Baby. Last weekend we went to one of the (three) lovely toy shops up here in the hills and she chose a pair of yellow ducky pom-pom socks and a wrist rattle as her big sister present for the baby. She knows the new baby has a present for her (a soft toy dog in a toy carrier with a vet medical set) but I think she's a bit confused; we also let her choose a little toy wand for herself and she seems to think that's the present for her. She insisted on packing it into the baby's hospital bag so it's sitting in there with all the tiny clothes.

I loved packing that bag. I have an oatmeal striped little short-sleeved onsie with a matching hat and a choice of two hand-knitted cardies for the trip home from hospital. Big-sister-present socks will also be worn. My own bags are getting there too; on Tuesday Mum is coming shopping with me to buy some new toiletries etc, and I still need to finalise the labour bag. So stuff is getting crossed off my list.

I just want us all here and safe and tucked up together in the birth centre room. DH said the other night that it will be so so sweet to see Abi giving her presents and cuddling her new brother/sister. He watches her at music with the baby brother of a friend who she just loves. She is so gentle and kind with him, it is beautiful to watch.

My lovely friend Mama Cass asked if we'd taken any cheesy/cute photos of Abi kissing the bump and I realised we hadn't, so to remedy that ...

No actual kiss ones, we couldn't get the kiss to last for long enough for the camera to catch up. Ah well, still pretty adorable I think.

Must go and help bathe my child.

Oooh! All laboury type vibes going to gorgeous Averil! Can't wait for news...

Let's head down to Georgia, la la la

Yes our baby has turned! At least, he/she had at the last check up 2 weeks ago, I have another one tomorrow and was going to leave updating until then to make sure but I can't sleep this morning and have a rare, toddler-free hour or so. Let's all hope there have been no flipping shenanigans between then and now. I don't think so, due to where the movements are, but still a bit paranoid.

Nearly 36 weeks now so really at the tail end. In fact, tomorrow will mark the exact stage in this pregnancy that my waters broke in my last one. On Valentines Day. Ahh Abi, spoiling Mummy and Daddy's time alone right from the beginning...

I wonder how I'll go if I go right to 40+ weeks with this one. I've always felt I avoided those super-uncomfortable, last stages of pregnancy last time. I never really felt that huge, never couldn't shave my legs or cut my toenails, never got any stretchmarks, never needed help getting off the couch etc etc. This pregnancy though has definitely been more uncomfortable with the pelvic instability and I feel more pressure and discomfort when walking. I've pretty much given up my big walks, although if I didn't have to push a pram with a 2.9 year old I could probably still manage them.

Speaking of pelvic instability I went for craniosacral therapy and it was miraculous. It really made a huge difference to how uncomfortable I was feeling as well as making me feel really positive generally and as though I was getting everything into tip top shape for a nice, easy birth. I'm hoping that, along with the Calmbirth course and practice I've done/am doing that I will be able to birth this baby with no intervention. The main thing is that I avoid another induction.

I'm on maternity leave now which is glorious, glorious and have a looong to-do list that I am slowly ticking off. I am having trouble about Christmas though, as I love Christmas; doing all the planning and thinking about how the day will go. Thing is, I don't know whether I'll still be pregnant, have a teeny newborn, or, best fun of all, be actually in labour. Right now the plan is that everyone will come up to our place for lunch on Christmas Eve, but I don't have to actually do anything. I might make something if I'm still pregnant though. I saw this yummy desert called Eton Mess which looks easy, summery and delicious so I think that'll be the go.

We are mostly organised here presents-wise. Abi's presents are all bought and I might start wrapping them tonight. Still need to get some family ones, but several are done, including my hard-to-buy-for, world-travelling brother. DH and I don't do big Christmas presents as our anniversary is very soon after and we do special themed anniversary ones instead.

I think I'm still in a bit of denial that soon I will be the mother of TWO children. Abi is very excited in theory and full of love for "our new baby", with lots of pats, kisses and professions of eternal love. She has many plans about what she will do with the baby including sharing baths, sharing her favourite ice cream (which she has had ONCE, boy did it make an impression), carrying him/her in the hugabub and other charming unrealities. However, she objects strongly whenever she sees me with my hands on my belly and moves them away firmly saying, "Mummy no touch our new baby." Not sure that's such a good sign.

She is still going through a very sensitive and emotional stage, although it is less intense than it was a couple of weeks ago. She even had her very first toddler melt-down a week or so ago, DH was flabbergasted and I was surprised myself. It was over nothing really, she wanted a drink of water but also wanted to push it away - I ended up just sitting on the floor with her and cuddling for about half-an-hour. Hasn't happened again thankfully.

BUT, and I can't believe I haven't mentioned this before now, she has finally, FINALLY, started reliably sleeping through the night. I think I had just stopped hoping for this to ever happen as it actually took a few nights in a row before I really took it in. She had a little while where she'd wake up and need me to lay her back down again, but now she mostly just sleeps straight through with the odd restless moment. I, on the other hand, still wake up two or three times a night for no reason, sigh.

I know she'll probably go through periods of wakefulness again, but at least I now know she can do it. And all our co-sleeping, gentle parenting nonsense hasn't created a child who can't put herself back to sleep, so take that Tizzie Hall. She still needs me to help her fall asleep initially, but we don't feed to sleep, just cuddle and I tell her one story and sing her one song. The stories change at her request but are mostly at the moment revolving around going to buy ice cream together. It's funny, she never requests actual ice-cream when we are out. She probably hasn't worked out you can just go and get it whenever you want, that there's not just one magical place which only comes to the top of the tree every six months or so.

We were going to go to the pool today as forecast is 36 degrees, yuk yuk yuk, but it is looking very windy and unpleasant. We'll see how we go.

I promised a belly shot and am determined to take one today. In the meantime...

Once more unto the breech, dear friends

My title messes with Ol' Bill Shakespeare, and also gives the information that my second-unborn is currently sitting wrong (or right, depending on your perspective) way up.

Yes, I have a breech presenting baby at 33 weeks, a situation only 15% of mothers have, according to Dr Google. Fortunately; a) he/she is not wedged down in my pelvis; b) there is still plenty of time for him/her to turn; and c) this baby seems extremely wriggly and active which is probably why we have this problem in the first place.

So what are we doing to rectify this situation? Well, I am currently typing with two carefully positioned Chinese medicine moxibustion sticks heating up the outside of each little toe. It seems mad and like witchcraft, but apparently this therapy has a 75% success rate when it comes to turning babies, as shown in clinical trials. I'm also going to have some cranio-sacral therapy on Monday to sort out my dodgy pelvis, which could be another reason for this bum-down baby. At least, I'm assuming it's bum down, could be feet first at this stage.

It's funny, about a week before my 32 week midwife appointment I said to DH "If this baby ends up breech we have to decide what to do as I'd still want to try for a vaginal birth and not many practitioners do that now." He basically told me not to borrow trouble, but HA! Who was right? When the midwife made a concerned face and said "this baby's presenting breech" I wasn't even really surprised as I'd been feeling an awful lot of kicky movement in the bladder region for the previous week, which is what inspired my breech remark to DH in the first place.

If he/she is still breech at 36 weeks I get sent for an external cephalic version, where an OB tries to turn him/her around. By all accounts, this is safe for the baby but pretty horrifically uncomfortable for the mother, so keen to avoid that if possible.

Then, if no turn around, we decide what to do. My mind shuts down when I think about a Caesarian, I would do almost anything to avoid one. We do have private health cover if we can find an obstetrician who attends breech births to take me on at such a late stage and there is also an obstetrician working at the public hospital I'm booked in at who attends them.

No birth centre, obviously though and from what I've read and been told by those in the know, the actual safest way for a breech baby to be born is at home with an experienced breech midwife as the absolute most important thing is that You Do Nothing. No fiddling with the cord, no 'helping' the baby out, no tugging or pulling. Do Nothing. Allow the baby to descend totally under its own steam. This is difficult in a hospital setting, as hands-off tends to be the exception rather than the rule.

But we're not there yet. Turn, baby, turn (disco inferno)!

One nice thing was as soon as the grandfatherly Vietnamese TCM practitioner took my pulse he said "Oh, very healthy baby. Yes, very healthy" And his guess, for those playing at home, is that this one is a boy. Probably why it's causing trouble already.

Coming soon: Belly shot! Be afraid...

Me me me

Ooooh! Tagged by the lovely Averil!

Which language do you want to learn? . Japanese.

What do you love most about where you currently live? I love the mountains, our gorgeous view, our house, my darling favourite cafe and all the lovely people I've met.

What is your favourite colour? Purple. And red.

What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe? Probably the black, stretchy, slightly Art Deco looking dress that I don't think I've worn since before I was pregnant with Abi. Sigh, my life needs more glamour.

Describe your personal style? I try for elegant with a touch of funk.

If you had $300 now, what would you spend it on? Maternity bras. Pretty Hot Milk ones with matching undies.

What are you going to do after this? Clean up the kitchen. Wahoo.

What are your favourite films? I can never answer this question.

Uuummmm, Dead Man Walking, Dances With Wolves, Trust, Truly Madly Deeply, Baz Luhrmans' Romeo and Juliet, Chasing Amy. Just off the top of my head.

Do you collect anything? Not really. I do have a lot of books, but I'm too careless with them to think of them as a Collection.

What makes you follow a blog? Nosiness. It is so much more satisfying reading about real life and there are some fabulous funny and wise women out there in the blogoverse.

Do you like to comment on blogs or just lurk? I try to comment as much as I can but I have so little time and often it has all been said better before I arrive. I'm always so happy to get comments on my own stuff though, I should make more effort.

What’s one thing you dream of doing? Speaking at an international Montessori conference. Hey, dare to dream, right?

What is your biggest regret? Taking so long to work out what I wanted to do and wasting so much time studying and not finishing degrees.

What is your favourite thing to do on a rainy day? Sit in a comfy chair with a book and a cup of tea watching the rain on the mountains.

Do you have a tattoo? No. And I'm glad I didn't get one in my mid-20s when I was seriously thinking about it.

What are you favourite books? Wuthering Heights, Emma, The Bonesetter's Daughter, Brightness Falls, A Suitable Boy, In the Empire of Dreams, Raymond Carver's short story collections, Wild Swans, Daughter of China.

Describe your ideal holiday... Tokyo! With unlimited funds and time. And a side trip to Nikko to stay at this gorgeous Ryokan DH and I stayed at over the New Year in 2001.

I tag Mama Cass

My baby

My littlest one, that is.

I am really trying to enjoy and appreciate properly all the parts of this pregnancy, as it will be my last, all going to plan. Luckily for me, little baby no. 2 is an active little thing and we have many fun games when he/she kicks, I poke back and then more kicks! DH thinks I am imagining things, much like his mum and her psychic cat, but I'm not! We really are playing.

I never really did that with Abi. I must say, it is different being pregnant for the second time. I have a much stronger sense that there is an actual baby in there wriggling around and I definitely feel much more closely bonded to him/her. I'm hoping that will make things easier after the birth as it took at least five or six weeks for me to truly feel as though I loved Abi and that she was mine. It was more like she was a baby I was just looking after for someone else, and I remember distinctly feeling that if someone who would look after her would just come and take her away so I could have my old life back, that would be just fine with me.

Looking back now I wonder if I had a touch of PND. I certainly had some of the symptoms, such as feeling numb about both Abi and DH for quite a while. DH especially, that lasted for ages, on and off. I felt so so alone too and it made me realise how much I need contact with people to be happy.

I don't think the same feelings will resurface after this one is born for lots of reasons. I have mostly made the adjustment to motherhood I think and DH and I are very close again, although not in quite the same way. In lots of ways I think we filled the role of beloved child for each other and when Abi was born she knocked us both out of top spot with the other. As we say to each other now, it's a hard time but we're getting through it together and managing to have some fun along the way, not always entirely child-focussed. Maybe we had too long together on our own before Abi, or maybe most couples go through something similar no matter how long they have been in love.

This was going to be about my little one but is mostly about me...Sorry Precious, better luck next time.