Ha! Day two of my every day challenge. Am TWF (typing while feeding) though, so may use contracted-sentence-shorthand, okay?

Take-away night! Tonight is DH and my take-away and movie night. It keeps the romance alive, especially as we are watching some mindless action-y type thing tonight. We usually are as we are both usually exhausted and tonight we are also coping with DH's dodgy sinuses.

Mostly our movie nights include a baby/toddler waking up somewhere in the middle and being boobed back to sleep. At least she goes back to sleep now, in the early days she sometimes sat in my lap clapping her way through Wall-E or similar. Actually, for the last few weeks I think she might have forgotten it was Friday, as she has been sleeping for longer.

It's funny, I remember writing a lot about Abi's shitty sleep and what we were trying to do about it. Evie is not as craptacular, but she's no paragon. She still wakes anywhere from two to five times a night and sometimes takes quite a while to settle back down again. I just kind of get on with it now, don't really think about it. I know she'll sleep through eventually, and I don't plan to night-wean her until she's two or so. I'll accept another few years of broken sleep, especially if I have another one...

Did you get that? Yep, another one. I want one. Like, I really, really want one. Just one more. I'm finally getting the hang of this whole mothering thing and I love it more and more. And I want to give birth again.

DH however, does not. In fact, we were discussing contraception stuff and he confided, "if you got pregnant now I'd be so sad". I laid it all out for him; how I'd love another one of our babies, how it's really only the first year that's hard, how much fun it is seeing our two girls interact, how much I adore them etc etc. He is unconvinced. However, he is not insisting on a vasectomy either. I have asked him to just think about it until the end of the year and see if he thinks he can face another one. I've promised not to bring it up and also promised that if he really really can't bear the thought, then I would accept that and accept it without resentment. He is more important, our existing family is more important to me than another baby.

But oh, another baby!

The thing is, I think I look at our girls and think 'they're so beautiful, how could I not want more?'. He looks at them and thinks 'they're so beautiful, why would I want any more?' And then there are all the logistics and realities and there is no doubt that life is just getting easier.

So we'll see. We'll see.

Get ready for this

Okay, here we go. I am going to post SOMETHING here every day this month. Every single day. Even if it is just a picture of some kittens (thanks Antonia over at Whoopee).

I cannot be bothered writing down everything that's happened over the last six months and that's what's been stopping me writing anything at all. So bits and pieces will rise to the top as I go I'm sure.

So today was a work day with lots of little children attempting to use eye droppers to create beautiful autumn leaves on absorbent paper which I am going to stick onto the wall onto a brown paper tree I'll be cutting out this weekend. This weekend I will also be making a batch of vegan cupcakes for Abi's friend's fourth birthday party, a vegan chocolate cake for my darling VeganSister and an orange cake for my dad. May is Birthday Month around here. My brother offered to make the orange cake, but as soon as the words 'almond meal' passed his lips, I knew it was not a goer. My dad loves the most boring orange cake in the world - it is basically a butter cake with orange juice and a bit of zest in it. It's just like the one his grandmother used to make, so he says, and he believes only I can make it. I think he is mistaken about that, as it is Not Complicated, but I love him and it is his birthday after all.

Okay. Am going now. Tired baby crying in front of Play School while neglectful mother types.

I'm back! And a letter.

To my darling 15month old baby girl (still my baby).

I love a million things about you precious one, but here, in no particular order are:

10 things I love about Evangeline Flora

1. Your dear little pixie face which is the most vivid, expressive, passionate little face I have ever seen. Joy, tragedy and fury washing over and through those beautiful blue eyes, that pretty pixie nose and those rosebud lips many times a day.

2. The way you sit in the big bed every morning and 'read' books to us all in this funny sing-song voice. Turning the pages and reading like such a big girl in such a little package.

3. Hearing a happy 'eyoh' or 'dedoh' everytime you see a family member anywhere in the house.

4. Watching you carefully straightening your legs from a squatting position to a standing one with your arms up. Then you smile hugely and say "Yay!". Sometimes I will just hear an imperious "Yay!" and look around to see you standing impatiently waiting for me to notice your cleverness.

5. How you say "dere-a-do" (there you go) whenever you give something to someone. You also sometimes say it when you want something; for example, when Abi was eating an easter egg in the car I heard a sad little 'dere-a-do? dere-a-do?' from your carseat. My heart melted, although not far enough to let you eat an entire egg. I did give you a biscuit though.

6. Snuggling up with you in your bed at night when you wake up for your 'mi'. My warm, sweet-smelling baby girl who is growing into a little girl so fast, too fast.

7. How much you love your daddy, even though it gives me a little shock of sadness when you curl away from me and give one of your decided 'no!'s when I try to take you from his arms. I call you our little Daddy-seeking-missile because as soon as you are down on the floor, off you crawl to find him.

8. Watching you and your big sister play. You love to join in with all her games and refuse to let the fact that you are nearly three years younger interfere. You jump on the trampoline together, push the doll pram together, cuddle the babies together and draw together just to name a few of your shared activities. I hope you will be friends like that all your lives.

9. Waking up with you, even though it is earlier than Mummy would like. You sit up in bed and I crack open bleary eyes to see your smiling face in the half-light. Then your smile comes closer as you lean in for a lovely wet kiss. Mmmm, baby kisses.

10. Every moment I spend with you. Truly every moment. You have made my life complete my darling, beautiful, funny, determined, loving, wonderful little girl. Thank you for choosing me to be your mother.

Love always and forever,

Mummy

It's all a bit of a grind, sometimes

Feeling a bit blah, over here at Silverpear.

Abi has got the what seems like thousanth in a long line of winter/spring colds. She had conjunctivitis early last week, which has cleared now thankfully, but she is snotty and can't hear properly. Unfairly, I find this endlessly irritating as she sniffs and says 'what?' after everything I say. For some reason, she absolutely refuses to say 'pardon' even though generally she is happy to use all other politenesses (is that a word?). She'll say please, thank you, excuse me and sorry, usually unprompted. Obviously at some stage I put too much stress on 'pardon' and it has now become a bit of a power struggle. She reckons she can't say it, but I have been telling her that yes she can, she is just choosing not to.

She thought about that for a while and has since (I think) whispered pardon a couple of times. I don't know why it's so important to me, guess I need to examine the reasons behind my button-pushedness a la Robin Grille, but who has the time for self-reflection? I would rather watch tv.

In Evie news she now has three teeth and is working on the fourth, so her sleeping has gone a bit to shit lately. Not anywhere near the gold-standard suckiness of her older sister's sleep efforts at the same age, but far from the lovely, manageable 9pm and 4am feeds of a couple of weeks ago. She is also still a real early bird, we are up by 6am every day. I can't tell you how much I hate this.

Wow, whinge whinge whinge. I love my children, I really do. Just at the moment though if I could talk to my 33 year old self, I'd be telling her to give the whole children thing a big miss. I miss my old life. I miss travelling and going out and actually talking and having physical contact with my husband and not having to narrate my every action for my darling three and a half year old who still finds Mummy endlessly fascinating.

I think one problem is I really don't get any time without at least one child. Right now is such a rarity; Evie is asleep and Abi is playing with DH. Evie will wake up soon, and luckily she always smells so divine as well as being all warm and kissable when she first gets up.

I don't want to ask any more of DH, I don't think his life is any easier than mine. He's been sick sick sick too and had other big stuff going on, but I am not bearing up well under my burdens right now. Makes our decision stop at two children very very easy to live with.

Sorry for downer post, but I guess it balances out all the sweetness and light of the monthly letters.

9 months

Darling little peachy one,

9 months old! Such a big girl. This month you have mastered a very cute kind of commando crawling that I refer to as the caterpillar crawl. You bring both arms forward with your hands together and pull, while digging your toes and knees in to push forward. You are getting around very efficiently like this, and although you also get up on your hands and knees and rock, I don't know if you will crawl soon as you are such a quick little caterpillar.
You can also sit up very strongly now and love to play with anything that makes a noise, such as bells, zills, maracas and saucepans. You love it when any of us join in with the noise making and laugh and laugh.
You laugh and smile all the time anyway, especially at your big sister. We usually give you and Abi a massage together now and it is very funny to see two nudey gigglers rolling around on the mat as Mummy and Daddy try to rub almond oil into you both. Our massages are not the relaxing gaze-fests they once were, but seeing your gorgeous little bare bum as you flip over and determinedly wriggle off to the window makes up for it.

We have had a bit of spring sunshine recently and you have been enjoying spending time outside playing on our deck. You haven't put too many gumnuts in your mouth which is lucky as you are very crafty about keeping stuff in there. Often I have to make you laugh before I can scoop whatever you have found out from behind your two sharp little teeth.



Food continues to be fun for you and you like to eat anything that we are eating. Your favourite things seem to be porridge with fruit, Baby Mum-Mum rice crackers with hommus, toast crusts with anything, broccoli, cantelope, strawberries and kiwi fruit. You love to throw stuff off your high chair, so there is always plenty of stuff for Mummy to sweep up after a meal and if I am not quick enough, your plates and bowls join the food on the floor with satisfying crashes. I am considering buying one of the bowls that sticks to the table for you.

I love you darling, darling girl. What a gift you are.

Happy 7 months to my little clapping girl,

Darling Evie,
You still love to clap and wanted to add a video of you doing just that, but it won't upload, sigh.

Lots of things have been happening for you this month, and we have discovered the joy of Baby Led Weaning. Why didn't anyone tell Mummy about this earlier. It is so easy, it feels like there must be something wrong with it. Instead of laboriously cooking, blending and freezing in little tiny plastic cubes which always fall out of the freezer and hit me on the foot, I steam some broccoli, cut some avocado and paw paw and hey presto! Breakfast (or lunch or dinner) in a bowl! So far you enjoy any food that you can feed yourself, stuff off a spoon is regarded with more suspicion.
You are very good at getting stuff into your mouth, which is a wonderful life skill, and one that you enjoy practicing on any number of lethally tiny Barbie shoes belonging to your big sister. I am always fishing stuff out of your mouth and you are not that co-operative either, and who could blame you when there are delicious things like vinyl butterfly stickers and tiny hammering tacks to eat?

You are the happiest baby ever, always ready with a smile or a laugh, especially at your big sister who you find hilarious. You love to chat to us now and make all kinds of funny sounds, sometimes so loudly that Abi asks me to turn up Playschool, or her cd as 'Evie is making ots of noise!'. We all love to hear you chatting though and you seem to enjoy taking part in the conversation.

Right now you are asleep in your Kozy sling and I am bouncing you on the fitball in the hopes you will stay asleep for a little while. You were up at 5.30am this morning, and even though Mummy tried to pretend you weren't and to convince you to snuggle on the couch for a bit longer you were too keen to get up and on with the day.

I love you so much my beautiful, wonderful girl. I am astonished every day at my luck in getting to be your mother.

Mummy

Here are some more photos of both my gorgeous girls at a fantastic park we went to last week.

Hey! Where did that preschooler come from and why is she holding my baby?

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